Hey hey, ramble-readers!
Tenth grade is in the books as of last Friday! And I'm going to be honest here- this was a really difficult school year for me. Besides the stress of taking on a much heavier schedule than I've been used to and beginning to cross the mythical bridge into adult responsibility, I struggled a lot with social/relationship issues, trauma from a vacation accident in September, watching friends and family suffer in different situations, and generally just feeling rather lost and anxious. I didn't really know how to reset myself or get out of the endless loop of mistakes and fear, and there were so many nights, especially in the first half of the year, where I would despairingly search for God and be unable to find Him. (What a way to start a blog post.)
But then about two months ago, things started to change, almost overnight. God showed up in some huge, extremely tangible ways. He used a youth retreat bus ride, an (almost) empty childcare classroom, a concert souvenier, and so many other random scenes and scenarios to remind me of His sovereignty and goodness and to completely flip my mindset. Even just within the past few weeks, I've seen Him work in my life in a way I've never experienced before. I've learned a good deal about myself and loads more about God this year; here are some highlights:
God is intentional.
A few friends of mine have heard quite a few excited, half-crazed outbursts from me lately about the mind-blowing intentionality and sovereignty of God. He is always in control, always working, whether you see it in the moment or not. Sometimes what we're going through seems totally pointless and unfair, and in some situations we might never understand why God allowed them to happen- that doesn't mean our struggles and suffering are meaningless or unseen. God's plan is more detailed than we might think- lately, I've received emails presisely when I needed them (down to the minute), been in a friend group so specifically sized that I had to sit alone in a particular spot, and randomly worn the exact t-shirt to an event that catapulted, um, an avalanche of happenings. XD God rarely works in the way we expect, so we've got to be patient when things don't go the way we think they should go. He's probably cooking something up behind the scenes that's far beyond the scope of our imagination. :)
My emotions are not trustworthy.
Uh, yeah. *grins* Just because there's currently a surplus of serotonin or catecholamines in my brain (oh look, that fall semester psychology class IS coming in handy!) doesn't necessarily mean I have no friends, there's no hope for this situation, or my life is actually falling into shambles before my very eyes. Not that emotions should be ignored, but I'm slowly learning to take the narrative running through my head in these high-emotion scenarios with a grain of salt. Our brains like to lie to us; please don't fall into believing something about your life or situation that just sin't true!
God knows me better than I know myself.
It's true. I like to think of myself as a fairly self-aware person (ish), but let's face it- we've all had times where we just CANNOT make sense of a situation or our feelings or opinions or even desires (this also happens at least once in every Disney movie. Change my mind). But while we're in the middle of our existential crises, God STILL *gasp* has control of everything and does, in fact, know exactly what we truly want and need. (Psst- sometimes they're two different things!) So just trust Him. He's not going to mess up.
Getting help is always worth it.
I really dislike asking for help or advice from an Older and More Experienced Person, not gonna lie. It's hard to admit that I need it, and I tend to feel like I'll end up being a burden. However, I've found that this is generally a lie and also very unhelpful to all parties involved. Chances are, if you're thinking of confiding in someone because they've been proven to be trustworthy, they're probably going to want you to trust them so they can help. Also, Older and More Experienced Persons really can help, believe it or not! XD Even if it's something as small as being a secure, listening ear and praying for you, it's definitely worth the initial awkwardness of starting a conversation.
Prayer is powerful.
I've wrestled with the idea of prayer a fair bit. If God is all-knowing, why do I need to tell Him what I want? And it's not like I have the power to change God's mind. I'm still learning the answers to my questions and we could easily get into some deep theological depths without ever surfacing, but I do think that 1- God definitely wants us to pray (and so at the very least we should pray out of obedience), and 2- God desires to work through the prayers of His people. An encouraging conversation with a friend is fun, but though the outcome is technically the same, it's a whole lot cooler when you've been praying that God would help you build a stronger relationship with said friend. God always answers prayers (though He doesn't always give you the answer you were wanting), and He loves to sometimes blow his children's minds when they ask in humility and faith. :)
This was a pretty random, fragmented post (theme of my year honestly), but I hope that you've been encouraged wherever you are! Whether you're in a dry season or one of flourishing and growth, remember that God IS always with you and can carry you through more than you might realize.
Have a lovely week, dears! I'll end with a favorite Narnia quote which pretty much sums up what I've been discovering lately:
"Every year you grow, you will find Me bigger." -Aslan
-Alayna