The Music That Shaped My Year (Plus Other Randomness)

Hello, dears!

This week I completed my sixteenth rotation around our home star, and to celebrate I am trying to keep the week as low-key as possible. :P I’ve been meaning to do this post for a while, so now I’m snatching my opportunity. This might be my longest and most ramble-y post ever, so buckle up.

I listened to quite a bit of music in 2021 (in comparison to other years at least) and what I listened to definitely reflected my mental state from month to month. I explored a bunch of different styles and artists, some with better results than others. XD There are some artists I just like in general, and some songs I love but don’t care for the rest of that artist’s music, so instead of doing a list of top artists or songs, I’m just going to list some of my top music in general. *gasps for air* *long sentence anxiety* I have no idea if I’ll be able to rank these accurately on my first try, we’ll see how much rearranging I’ll need to do. Heh.

Also mixed in is a small collection of slightly wintry or aesthetic photos that make me happy. I got a fancy new camera for Christmas, wheeee! The portraits are of me or the lovely Emily Bollenbacher, you can see more pictures from that shoot here.

P.S. Forgot one thing- I’ll share some of my favorite lyrics too. Anyway.

And here we gooooo…

• Waving Through A Window (from the Dear Evan Hansen musical)

I’m not southern, but Y’ALL. For better or for worse, this was basically the theme song of my summer. :’D I’ve struggled with some social anxiety-type stuff and just with feeling different, unnoticed, and awkward over the last year or two. This number gave voice to the angst in a very unique way (I’m a sucker for CHARACTERS as I’m sure everyone knows by now). Also, Ben Platt’s voice is just incredibly raw and emotional which I really enjoy (I love/despise his song In Case You Don't Live Forever, it's cry-worthy).

…Give them no reason to stare/ No slipping up if you slip away/ So I got nothing to share/ No, I got nothing to say…

…When you’re falling in a forest and there’s nobody around// Do you ever really crash or even make a sound?// Did I even make a sound?// Did I even make a sound?// It’s like I never made a sound// Will I ever make a sound?...

A few extra thoughts about WTAW- while it was definitely helpful for working through what I often felt this summer, I think it almost started to shape my identity. I started thinking that I was just a socially awkward loner, and there wasn’t anything I could do about it. I’ve had to remind myself of what is actually true: I am not, in fact, Evan Hansen, I have a different story; my struggles do not define me nor are they permanent; I have friends who care about me; I have a heavenly Father who loves me and knows me and my flaws better than I ever could. I am not alone. From the musical standpoint, I was forgetting that the point is not the message of WTAW or even Words Fail- I was forgetting about You Will Be Found.

…Well, let that lonely feeling wash away// Maybe there’s a reason to believe you’ll be okay// ‘Cause when you don’t feel strong enough to stand// You can reach, reach out your hand…

• Coby James

CJ, as I affectionately refer to him sometimes, is one of my all-time favorite artists in general. His music captures the wonder, energy, and confusion of growing up while holding on to your faith. He’s got sort of a breezy pop feel while still being saturated in Gospel truths, and so many songs make me happy that I can’t really pick a favorite. If you want recommendations, try In My Love, New Roots, Far From Home, Pressure, Happier, Golden, or Brand New. Welcome to the fan base.

…And I see the pieces You’re putting together// And I see the seasons You’re changing for better// I do, I do, I do// You’re building something new//

Out of the broken and prayers left unspoken// New doors being opened as others are closing// It’s true, it’s true it’s true// You’re building something new// And you’re putting down new roots// So I will trust in You// God, you’re putting down new roots…

• The Gray Havens

This group is another of my absolute favorites! They came out with a new album this year, a song or two at a time over a few months, and I’ve really enjoyed it. Diving into some of their first singles, albums, and lesser-known music in general, I’ve noticed that they have a very established theme of looking forward. In this broken world, we only get glimpses of what is to come. One day the dawn will break, the winter will melt into endless summer, we’ll acquire our inheritance in the Far Kingdom on the other side of the glass. There is hope in the darkness. This dreamy, hopeful vibe really helped me focus on the good in 2021. I’d recommend Not Home Yet (my current favorite, first quote below), Endless Summer, Storehouse, Inheritance, and Band of Gold to anyone who’s interested. :)

…Well, the moment you found you could start over new// Was the same that you realized the stories were true// You opened your eyes and the world you could see// Wasn’t dim, it was bright// You would have to agree…

…Have you ever wanted so bad// To believe in something more// Then one day all that’s holding you back// Just doesn’t hold a candle anymore//To the stars and sunrise…

• Wonder by Shawn Mendes

So I think this one might call for some explanation. XD I’m not normally a big pop fan, but a certain friend of mine (you know who you are) has been pressuring people to give Shawn Mendes a try, and so I did. The results weren’t stellar, but I did manage to become completely obsessed with Wonder for a solid month or more. I like that it’s not too overly sappy, a little dreamy, a little angsty without just being a breakup song or something, heh. Because I wonder about things too. Also, it’s just a good song to scream into the void and perhaps pretend you’re in some angsty high school flick. You know the feeling.

…Right before I close my eyes// The only thing that’s on my mind// Been dreamin’ that you feel it too// I wonder what it’s like to be loved by you…

*whispers* it's the moooooon *ifyouknowyouknow*

• Photograph and Castle On The Hill by Ed Sheeran

So… If I’m being honest, I really don’t like Ed Sheeran all that much in theory. There are only a handful of his songs that I actually enjoy, but like with Shawn Mendes, there are a few from that handful that I’m slightly obsessed with. Seems like people either love him or hate him, so I’ll just let you form your own opinions about his music and my taste. *chucks lyrics at you and flees*

…We keep this love in a photograph// We make these memories for ourselves// Where our eyes are never closing// Hearts were never broken// And time’s forever frozen still…

…And I’m on my way// I still remember these old country lanes// When we did not know the answers// And I miss the way you made me feel, and it’s real// We watched the sunset over the castle on the hill// Over the castle on the hill// Over the castle on the hill

*shrieks with glee*

Shane & Shane

Drastically switching gears here… I LOVE Shane & Shane’s Psalms albums. As they’re literally taking the lyrics from Scripture, there’s something more pure, raw, and organic about the music. The focus is completely on God, and the truths stay the same no matter who you are or what situation you’re in. I think it’s good to take the focus off your life for a bit and simply worship the Lord.

I particularly like the first three of the Psalms 2 album- Psalms 46 (quoted below), 45, and 34.

…Lord of Hosts you’re with us// With us in the fire// With us as a shelter// With us in the storm// You will lead us// Through the fiercest battle// Oh, where else would we go// But with the Lord of Hosts…

• The Hamilton Musical

*Screeches happily* I joined the fandom in 2020, but this musical is no less fascinating and inspiring to me now than it was then. I’m a history nerd who likes music, what could be better than a Broadway show by Lin Manuel Miranda (!) with some of my favorite historical figures on the character list? (???) I couldn’t possibly pick a favorite number, but Wait For It is the song that haunts me the most, so you get some Burr angst. (Okay, this is harder than I expected… I’d like to copy and paste the entire song but I have to pick only a stanza or two aaaaaa)

…I am the one thing in life I can control// I am an imitable, I am an original// I am not falling behind or running late// I am not standing still I am lying in wait// Hamilton faces an endless uphill climb// He has something to prove, he has nothing to lose// Hamilton’s pace is relentless, he wastes no time// What is it like in his shoes…

• Wake Me Up by Avicii

Not sure where I found this one… I think maybe my best friend added it to our giant shared Spotify playlist a while ago? But I’ve listened to it quite a lot. :P It’s naturally a pretty carefree, summertime song, but there’s also a hint of defiance, which I find oddly appealing.

Feeling my way through the darkness// Guided by a beating heart// I can’t tell where the journey will end// But I know where to start// They tell me I’m too young to understand// They say I’m caught up in a dream// Well life will pass me by if I don’t open up my eyes// Well that’s fine by me…

There you have it! I listen to lots of other music, listing everything would probably break Wix. I almost exclusively use Spotify, if you ever give one of my themed playlists a listen, let me know what you thought!

One last thing- I just started a private Instagram account for my art, photography, and mini rambles. O.o I’ll probably also post about new blog posts and my Etsy shop. (Aaah I’m advertising up a storm here, my apologies.)

Any songs on the list that you like? Favorite photo? How much snow do you have right now, if any? We keep getting dumped on!

That’s all for now! Thanks for reading, my dears, my ramble-readers!

-Alayna